Crunchy ‘Nanas

Ho. Ho. Ho. Happy holidays everyone!

I’ve never been less proud to have been a Junior Ranger than I am today.

On the radio this morning, they were briefly criticizing Tony Blair’s bit in this year’s White House Christmas video, so I had to take a look. I kind of just don’t know what to say. I don’t go in for cutsie, anyway. So the dogs? Not cool. But, this just disturbs me on so many levels.

I have to go un-decorate for Christmas now, so I won’t go into it. Plus, I’d like to be jolly on my last day in England before Christmas. Lucky for me, I’ve been promised Mark Ramprakash on Breakfast TV.

We were driving last week, and the BBC Radio 1 dj was rambling about this and that, and then he caught my attention. He started talking about National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. An ultimate Christmas classic, in my opinion. So he’s just chit-chatting away describing the movie, and then he starts describing Chevy Chase. “He’s kind of like Will Ferrell…” I was incredulous. I couldn’t believe it. Not about the comparison, because I think it’s a pretty good one, but who doesn’t know who Chevy Chase is? I turned slightly to Crunchy husband: “WHO doesn’t know who Chevy Chase is?”"Um, well, you know. Kids.”

Oh my god, I’m old now. (Is it possible to feel old AND look forward to your 30s at the same time? Because I do. And I do. My 30s man, they are going to rock. I’m sure of it!)

“Billy Pilgrim says that the Universe does not look like a lot of bright little dots to the creatures from Tralfamadore. The creatures can see where each star has been and where it is going, so that the heavens are filled with rarefied, luminous spaghetti.”
–Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Slaughterhouse Five

I am coming back into focus. Don’t ask where I’ve been because, seriously, I couldn’t tell you. But, I’m coming back. I’m nearly here. Only be warned, I’ll be starting it all over again on Friday.

Ever since I returned from California, I’ve been in a strange haze. I can’t really say I’ve come “unstuck in time”. I’m not shell-shocked or dealing with any kind of tragedy. And yet, I can’t find words to describe exactly how I’ve felt. I mean, we got our Christmas tree and it took me FIVE nights to decorate the thing. It’s felt a bit surreal.

For a while, I attributed it to the evil jet-lag kicking my ass. And kick it did. I fought back, but night sleep was elusive, even though I didn’t let myself nap during non-sleeping hours. I am now sleeping (most) of the hours between midnight and 7 am, but I’d love to get completely back to normal sometime soon.

After about a week of the ‘lag, I started feeling under the weather. I was sick, maybe but not quite. During this time, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, from taco salad to candy bars, tasted like fish. I’m not a big fan of fish. My head and sense of time was really fuzzy throughout this. I finally re-gained my appetite and started eating normally, so now I have more energy and more control over my thoughts and senses.

That said, all wasn’t completely lost during this period. The tree is big and tall and beautiful. It glows and makes me feel happy. We had a turbo session at Bluewater and did all of our England Christmas shopping in one go. The Christmas cards are (nearly) written. We had a big winter feast, and so far have received no accounts of poisoning anyone with my cooking. I made it into London to volunteer at Kew for an afternoon, and to take in bits of the Henry Moore installation. And somehow, I had it together enough to speak briefly about Seashore Safaris in front of a room full of people. I think it was coherent, anyway. Who knows?

So, I think I’ve made it back to the planet and out of my time warp. Only time will tell.

Or, will it?

I am in a haze. A self-induced haze of jet-lag. I have a million words in my head that want to be said, but well, if I try they come out like this:

jellyfish family blog baby swim run sleep love home hope turkey. NEMO!

Somehow, my stream of consciousness doesn’t quite rival Toni Morrison’s in depth, significance and hidden meaning. Darm. I left that typo in because it makes me laguh. And that one too. Wow, I’m so good at letting things go when I’m loopy.

Happy Thanksgiving. (I finally remembered it is Thanksgiving.) I’m thankful for every beautiful thing in that list and more. Except, I think some jellyfish totally messed up a salmon stock in Northern Ireland. It’d help if I bothered to read the article…Focus, focus.

Happy Thanksgiving. Here’s a pretty jellyfish. They are in a tank in Monterey, so I know they didn’t have anything to do with the salmon here.

Peace.

There are certain things you just don’t tell your mom you are going to do until after you do them. Sky-diving, bungee jumping, leaping from roof to roof of skyscrapers, fire-eating while wrestling alligators. Those kinds of things.

I didn’t get THAT adventurous this weekend, but considering my mom’s slightly heightened state of anxiety about now having one more person to worry about (did I mention I’m very excited to be an aunt now?!), I decided not to mention that I was going abseiling over the cliffs at Botany Bay this weekend.

I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to go on a cliff rescue simulation with the coastguard this weekend. It’s one of the perks of being a coastal warden with the Thanet Coast Project. It was very fun and very informative. Those guys are way cool!

Hey, little one! I’ve got some old running shoes that might fit. I’ll bring ‘em home when I come to meet you! I can’t wait! (Isn’t my niece a cutie??)

Happy retirement, Mom!

A clear-out of the medicine cabinet yields:

1. Benadryl Itch Stopping Gel- exp 02/2003. Yes folks, that’s over a year before I even moved to England. I call this 4 fl oz (it’s nearly full) of wasted suitcase space.
2. Cortizone 10 Anti-Itch Creme- exp 07/2004. Yep, another one expired before the big migration.
3. Original Neosporin- exp 10/2003. Do you see a pattern?
4. Neosporin Plus Pain Relief- exp 05/99. Yes, that’s right, pre-Y2K. I ought to save this for a museum or something.
5. Boots Antiseptic Cream- exp 06/2005
6. Vicks Sinex Decongestant Nasal Spray- exp 11/2006
7. Bausch and Lomb Sensitive Eyes rewetting drops- exp 08/2005
8. Visine A Antihistamine and redness relieving drops- exp 11/2005
9. E45 Itch Relief Creme- exp 02/2007
10. Olay Complete (unopened)- exp 12/2006

You would never in a million years have guessed I used to work in pharmaceuticals, would you? (Which, before the jokes and concerned queries come flooding in, is where I got most of the anti-itch stuff as free samples.)

Now, onto the refrigerator!

It’s official. I want an iPhone. I don’t need an iPhone. I can’t justify the money spent for an iPhone. But, I just wanted to make an official announcement that Apple has sucked me into the world where I might be more sympathetic to cell phones. And maybe hear mine and answer it once and a while. (But, you two people out there who call me, don’t cross your fingers.)

What, you may ask, prompted this shift in being ambivalent to/slightly annoyed by cell phones (or the rude people who speak on them while ordering lunch at restaurants) to oh my god, I neeeeed one?

I am currently looping my 30 second “Causing a Commotion” ringtone. I’ve got the moves, baby. You’ve got the motion. If we got together, we’d be causing a commotion…

I’d hear my phone every time it rang. Nice!*

*Bastards! I looked through my iTunes tracks marked with a bell for “ringtone” and there weren’t actually that many. Which surprised me. But, not for long. I figured it out. And it doesn’t surprise me. You can only make a ringtone from your library of songs if you’ve already purchased that ringtone eligible track from iTunes. (So really, to get a ringtone it’s $0.99 for the song and another $0.99 for the tone, regardless of whether the song is already in your library by other means.) Clever, Apple, clever.